The Definitive Everton ‘Keep or Sell’ List
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Perhaps a ‘Keep in and around the first team or don’t’ would have been a more apt title, but I’m not looking to make my title longer than my articles, so we have what we have.
But moving on… Hello again! It’s been a quick minute and Sam Allardyce has yet to be sacked (Typed on 2018, 13th May, 7:52pm, so don’t crucify me if by the time this novel reaches the surface of the world-wide-web that he has been dispatched).
My time off, assuming you won’t snitch and tell the boss @CuffWrites on Twitter, who you definitely shouldn’t follow or listen to his podcast by the way (Editor’s Note: UTF, cheers x), was basically an excuse for a sweet escape from watching any more of the Everton SoccerBall Superstars this season, and I’ve enjoyed every second of my gardening leave.
But I’m back to not-really-slave away at your behest over the British summer when all I’ll be thinking of is not-Everton.
And our little quest starts here.
Is there anyone worth keeping? Not really, but I promise I’ll tag some as good enough to stay, lest you click off the already-spoiled article right now.
Actually, except Pickford. Pickford is boss and he can tend my nets for many moons.
Jordan Pickford - Keep
The Golden Boy (Although brass would seem to be golden in relation to this copper season) can definitely stay.
He’s the best goalkeeper we’ve had in a long time, and he’s the best we’re going to have.
Joel Robles - Keep
Robles is boss, there’s no denying it. He was a very apt stop-gap between Tim Howard’s failing form and Jordan Pickford’s arrival.
Although it looks like he’ll be going – the lap after Swansea seemed to be a farewell lap for Joel – this is my list and in my fantasy, Robles stays.
Maarten Stekelenburg - Keep
Our keepers are sound to be honest.
Leighton Baines - Sell
Controversial? Probably. I’m only sentimental when it suits me, and while Baines can still be an asset around the club, he is not the left-back of our future.
He isn’t the player he used to be, much like I wouldn’t be re-signing Tim Cahill at this point.
But Steven Naismith on the other hand…
That’s a tangent I don’t want to go on right now. So anyway, Leighton Baines can stay, just not in the first team. (Like I said in the intro, the classifications may be a bit off, not like we’d get much for him at this point)
Luke Garbutt - Sell
It’s just too late for Garbutt at this point. The once not-so-prodigal son never developed into the player we needed, so we need to cash in while we still can.
Brendan Galloway - Sell
Maybe it’s too early to give up on Galloway, but we don’t have the luxury to give him Garbutt-time, so he can go.
Ramiro Funes Mori - Sell
Depending on the World Cup.
If Mori has a barnstormer at the World Cup, presuming if he even makes it, some desperate Italian club will come calling inevitably and if we can get an offer of around £20m, then he can go.
I love Mori, but like I said, I’ll be being sentimental later so I can’t use it all up now.
Michael Keane - Sell
I’ve seen enough of Keane to last me a lifetime. If he doesn’t have an experienced right-back and centre-back holding his hand, he’s a liability. We can’t afford that anymore.
We can still get okay money for him, so we need to ship him out.
Ashley Williams - Sell
I used to be a staunch defender of Ashley Williams.
Used to be.
DISCARD IMMEDIATELY.
Mason Holgate - Keep
Holgate still probably remains our best centre-back, and he is still in his developmental stage. With a proper manager behind him, he can be a force at the back. His pace is frightening and his ability on the ball is unmatched at the club.
He does have a mistake in him, but that’s a quirk necessary to be an Everton centre-back at this point. Iron them out of him, and he becomes the player everyone thought John Stones was going to be.
Phil Jagielka - Keep
He is still a leader, if an awful captain, and we need some form of backup if we’re to keep a fresh squad. The difference with Baines is that I’d still be confident Jags can put up some good performances now and then, whereas Baines has to rely on a winger to help him out, and has lost all ability to be dynamic going forward.
Matty Pennington - Sell
Ditto Luke Garbutt.
He’s too old to break into the first team, simple and cynical as that.
Séamus Coleman - Keep
I’ve never been as enamored with Coleman as many have, he has some gaping flaws.
But I’d be even more of a hypocrite if I were to dismiss his passion as meaningless given my rant on the matter a few months ago in that somber summary of our club.
Coleman cares a hell of a lot about the club, and he can be a solid option at right-back for years to come.
Cuco Martina - Sell
Bless his little cotton socks.
Jonjoe Kenny - Keep
Much like our goalkeepers, our right-backs are most definitely not an immediate need, and with Jonjoe Kenny, who performed admirably in Coleman’s absence earlier in the season, we have a developing understudy who could very well be our future.
Morgan Schneiderlin - Keep
Drama.
Schneiderlin Iscariot himself, who has now redeemed himself in my eyes. He dealt with controversy and resentment as well as he possibly could bar one silly comment, and he got his head down and played some good soccer.
That’s all it takes.
He is a luxury player, and one that could benefit us if we are to keep him and not play him alongside Gana.
He can be a good playmaker from deep on his day and I’m looking forward to falling back in love with his eyes, hair…
His football. I’m looking forward to his football.
Idrissa Gueye - Keep
He’s just really good, and has been consistently for 2 years now. If Schneiderlin is Judas, Gana can very well be Peter. He can be that rock we build this team on.
Also anyone doing any Religious Studies exams anytime soon, remember that analogy. It won’t help at all but it could be funny to write.
Tom Davies - Sell
Tom Davies isn’t Ross Barkley. However you interpret that is up to you, but for me, he isn’t a dynamic midfielder who can drive the team forward or he isn’t a quick passer of the ball under pressure.
He tries too much to be a hero that someone else has already been and has now gone. To put it plainly, he has stagnated even more than Barkley and possibly regressed since last season. He isn’t good enough for Everton, unfortunately.
James McCarthy - Sell
As good as McCarthy is at his job, he’s one dimensional, something we cannot be anymore. Gana can do his job just as well, if not better, all the while having more to his game.
He won’t be going I suppose, since his ankle is still in about 3 parts, but he shouldn’t be near the first team anymore.
Beni Baningime - Keep
He, like Kenny, is developing as an understudy to Gana, and can become a future starter. He was impressive in his cameos this season, no doubt about that, and should be given more minutes next season.
Gylfi Sigurdsson - Keep
I tried immensely hard to dislike Sigurdsson, I really did. But something about him won me over in the end before he was injured, and as absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder, I can’t wait to see him back next season.
He was the real leader of the team, everything went through him for better or worse and needs to kick on next time out to become the playmaker we need him to be.
Wayne Rooney - Keep
The man of the moment, I suppose.
Rooney still has something left to offer Everton, and his ride into the sunset should definitely not be a disgusting season that had Sam Allardyce in charge for the majority of it.
He deserves better.
We saw glimpses of what he can do at the start of the season as Koeman really was getting the best out of him, and he needs one more season at least to put the demons of 2018 right.
Davy Klaassen - Keep
Davy Klaassen is an incredibly talented and gifted footballer, and he didn’t have a bad game this season.
Change. My. Mind.
But like many others, he was frozen out for absolutely no reason when the team was crying out for a player with the exact qualities he possesses.
He can be far and away the best player at the club if given time and the correct system. I’m extremely excited to see what he can do next year, if he does stay.
I’ve made no illusions about how much I love Klaassen, and while some of it may be sentimental, he is a quality, quality player.
Mo Bešić - Sell
We all love Bešić, but he’s one of the players I’d be just as excited to see succeed elsewhere like at Boro this season.
He isn’t quite what we need, I’m afraid.
Nikola Vlašić - Keep
No reason to write a young, dynamic winger off and then send him out on loan to RB Leipzig while Yannick Bolasie collects a paycheck.
Oh but that’s exactly what happened, isn’t it? And I do not want to see it happen again.
A tandem of Vlašić-Lookman is a future I want to live in.
Kevin Mirallas - Sell
Kevin Mirallas is one of my favourite players of all time.
That doesn’t disguise the fact that he’s been absolutely abhorrent for too long now. He needs to go, as much as I want him to stay and be the player he was.
Yannick Bolasie - Sell
A winger with absolutely no redeeming qualities.
At least Magaye Gueye had a funny name to say.
Ademola Lookman - Keep
Of all the things that may have sealed Spherical Samuel’s downfall at Everton with the fans, I think the saga of Ademola Lookman may have been the biggest contributor.
While we had Yannick Bolasie, a waste of a registration spot, don’t even kid yourself, doing step overs and then clanging balls off of his own heels at Goodison, Lookman was claiming 5 goals and 7 assists in 11 games at Leipzig, more than any Everton player in the entirety of Allardyce’s reign of terror.
He will be an incredible player for us if he decides to stay, and for the mental health of our fans, let’s hope he does.
Theo Walcott - Keep
Walcott is a baller, no doubting that, and one of the very few bright sparks of this season.
Much like every single player, I’m excited to see what he can do under a proper manager.
Dominic Calvert-Lewin - Keep
There’s no reason to sell DCL, really, and he was carrying the team in Koeman’s time this season.
There’s glimpses of an incredible player in DCL, and if he can sharpen his edges (And his intelligence in the box) then he may well become a threat to Cenk Tosun, or a perfect partner.
Oumar Niasse - Keep
Here lies my sentimentality.
Oumar Niasse is everybody’s favourite Everton player whether you like to admit it or not. His smile is infectious and his story is amazing. Just remember, when it came to the entire fanbase picking sides on the outcast from Russia with no locker or the legendary Dutch international that took us back to Europe, we all chose Oumar.
No matter how many times we all try to convince ourselves that he isn’t the answer, he scores. When we try to convince ourselves that he’s out of his depth, there’s a chorus of ‘Oumar! Oumar!’ around Goodison.
Nobody wants to sell Oumar in their hearts, and that’s all that matters. He’s a cult hero and he’s here to stay.
Personally, I’m on board with Oumar’s Wild Ride and can’t wait to see where it goes next.
Sandro Ramírez - Keep
It cost less for us to buy Sandro than it’ll take for us to sack Samuel Allardyce.
He can stay, much like Klaassen, he hasn’t even started writing his Goodison story yet. With a proper system in place, he can be a dangerous player.
Cenk Tosun - Keep
Cenk Tosun is going to be a fan-favourite. He has the fire that we all love to see in strikers and the physicality that is present in the standard model of a legendary Everton striker – Dixie Dean, Duncan Ferguson… Romelu Lukaku? Anyway, Cenk has only just gotten started and his partnership with Walcott is going to be our identity for the near future, and it should be a good one.